Goal Setting Can Be Habit Forming – The Purpose and Value of Goal Setting for Teens
For adults, goal setting is nothing new. Many of us embrace the idea while others get a knot in their stomach at the mere thought of putting a “goal” in writing. Others believe that goals are a waste of time because they rarely achieve their goals.
When used properly goals setting can be energizing, empowering and an essential component in the repertoire of a successful and confident individual. If we take the time to teach our teens to naturally set their own goals they will gain a feeling of control over their future and their accomplishments, while positioning themselves for lifelong success.
December and September are two prime times to introduce the concept of goal setting. Initially, goals should be simple, very specific, and attainable. It should be easy to determine when the goals are achieved. The goals should be exciting and energizing. Getting a better grade in French is not considered an exciting, energizing or specific goal!
Teens are typically more accepting of goals that relate to social issues rather than academic goals. Most students are overwhelmed by their academic demands and need to look beyond their world at school in order to develop goals that excite them. When teens react negatively toward the idea of goal setting it is usually because they only know how to set grade related goals rather than goals that focus on personal accomplishments.
For a less outgoing teen a social goal might be, “attend a model UN conference and meet one person from another school who has similar interests.” A secondary goal might be: “send an email (or invitation to Facebook) to that individual within one week after the conference has concluded.” The long term goal is to build a more diverse group of friends who do not attend the same school. To build relationships with others who have a different backgrounds and experiences is a very valuable skill that has multiple benefits..
For a teen with many friends a social goal might be “Offer to help one friend per week with an academic question by teaching them a new concept.” This goal builds confidence and encourages the student to give to others. The goal enables the student to build deeper relationships with multiple benefits.
Another social goal is to “meet with one teacher per week outside of the classroom to ask a question” (if the student is challenged by some courses). Another goal might be to offer to assist a teacher with course preparation or to assist their athletic coach with something that extends beyond their typical athletic team responsibilities. Building relationships with adults and conducting meaningful conversations with multiple age groups is a valuable lifelong skill.
A goal to “do one unexpectedly helpful and charitable thing each week” such as : helping an elderly neighbor by offering to walk their dog, take in the newspaper for a family with many young children, shovel the snow for neighbor who works all day so that their driveway is clear when they return home. These types of goals emphasize the value of community and the vital role that teens can play in the lives of another individual.
Setting time frames for the accomplishment of these smaller goals and acknowledging success when the goals are met is what converts goal setting into a positive strategy. Daily and weekly goals are easiest manage. Discussing how they relate to the big picture helps make them more meaningful.
As parents, we can use the holidays as an opportunity to encourage our teens to set 1-3 goals for January. The discussion can begin with open ended questions such as: what made you really happy this year? What did you do to make those things happen? What are some of the things that you wish you had done this year?
As role models for our children it is important for us to feel comfortable sharing our own answers to those questions. If we don’t understand ourselves we can’t be supportive and effective role models for our children. Self reflection is important for everyone at every age. There is value to exploring the similarities and differences between the answers to these questions and the ways in which the information can be used constructively to learn more about each other and ourselves.
The information gained during serious reflection about the previous year supplies a launching pad for meaningful discussions where successes are acknowledged, strengths are identified and goals are created. These types of discussions may occur in “mini-conversations,” such as when you are having lunch after a day of shopping, walking the dog together, or driving to hockey practice. It just does not matter.
Clarify and remember your goals during your goal setting discussions with your children. Are your goals to teach the value of goal setting over time, to support them in setting one attainable and meaningful goal, to introduce a concept that will enable them to experience the thrill of “goal accomplished? Each parent should establish their own specific goals that will enable them to support the growth and development of their children.
Knowing your short term and long term goals will enable you to most effectively coach your teen through the process. Goal setting is an art, not a science and if we look in the mirror, we will realize that our own goal setting skills are constantly evolving and improving. Sharing that observation with our teens may ultimately be the key that unlocks the door for the whole family.
Happy New Year! May we all achieve our goals in the upcoming year.
Lisa Silvershein is a Certified Master Coach who works with individuals at all stages of their career lifecycle. She supports parents in their efforts to raise productive, independent and confident children who are prepared to leverage their strengths as they grow, enter the workforce and successfully develop their careers.
Author’s URL: http://www.arkcareercoaching.com
Lisa Silvershein coaches people to use their strengths as they navigate their future. Get her free Monday Morning Success Blast and contact List Silvershein at http://www.arkcareercoaching.com
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